I heard a woman this morning tell her
daughter that she was beautiful. I may
be wrong, but I bet she does that all the
time. I rarely tell me my daughter that
she’s beautiful. I mean she definitely is
But I tell her other stuff like;
“You’re so smart,”
“You can figure anything out”
“You’re such a strong little girl”
You’re very creative”
Of course, I do this on purpose. I just want her to be aware of the assets she has outside
of the one she can lose overnight. I tell her she’s pretty when she asks, but I don’t put much
emphasis on an aspect of her character that’s not even one of her top five.
And Why should I? Maintaining our assets is work. Body builders spend countless hours in
in the gym, concert pianists practice relentlessly, and professional athletes just never stop.
why would I misguide my daughter into believing a small part of who she is, should take up
any significant amount of her time.
But don’t get it twisted. If the best thing she
had going for her was her looks then you
can bet I’d be putting all kinds of attention
on her appearance. I’d be encouraging her
to learn all about make-up, fashion, and
the other stuff that pretty girls focus on.
And I’d be downplaying the importance of
other things. Basically I’d be teaching her to focus her effort into her strengths.
What I saw this morning was a woman
teaching her daughter to focus her effort
into what she wishes was her strength.
Unfortunately, that is the source of a lot of our personal obstacles. The mis-guidance given to us by the ones who love us most. The ones we’re taught to trust and grow to trust. But I can’t be mad at parents who believe they are doing their best. I can’t blame grandma for Cultivating an eating disorder because she gave the kids cookies whenever they were sad,
or mad…
or hurt themselves…
or got good grades…
or bad grades…
Or basically for using food as a reward, a comfort or anything else. She didn’t know. That’s
Why sometimes the root cause of our obstacles is way harder and sometimes impossible
to even address and the overcoming the trigger should be where we focus our efforts.
Kevin L Porter 